I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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