hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
