You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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