Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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