turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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