she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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