i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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