I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
