My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
