im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
