Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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