Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."