Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
