You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
