Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
