Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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