Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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