Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
