It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
