This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
