3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
