it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
