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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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