cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
