I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
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