I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
