I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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