I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
