hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
