There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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