"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
