Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
