if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
