Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
