you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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