I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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