I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
