How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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