maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
