im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
