Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost the right to judge tonight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
