we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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