quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize