in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
