Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
