thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
