didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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