I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
