i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
