I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
