i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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