youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
