there's paper in my vomit.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
