Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize