Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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