Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
