we have officially lost it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
