Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Green mimosas i think yes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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