if i can run in heels then i can drive
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
