By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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