its not stalking. its research.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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