I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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