Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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