what day is it and did you see me today?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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