Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
