i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
