Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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