don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
