I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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